I've got this question...what brings people to yoga, specifically ashtanga practice? Outside of the typical superficial answers like a "type-a personality", I think there is something else. I wonder if it is a common thread or a different facet for each person. I wonder. I wonder what brings me to practice?
"You know it when you see it, but then you can't explain it." It is like that. So then, what brings me to Mysore? What is this pull? Am I trying to run away, to escape? Or, am I running toward something. It seems that perhaps if you are running toward something, you are always running away from something, that something being the place from which you just were. So maybe its both or all of it. But it is something bigger than putting my leg behind my head, grabbing my ankles, and lifting up in karandavasana (although the discipline to get to those places is paving the way to that something bigger).
"You've got to get under those emotions and figure out the cause, the source."
Fear. I'm afraid. I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid of being poor and hungry. I'm afraid of losing everything. I'm afraid of falling. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm afraid of dying. I am afraid of dying without ever being fluent in french. I am afraid that this is it and I'm not doing everything.
Is India the answer? No. I think the answer is me. I am the answer. I am the hero.
What is this post about? I think it is about coming of age on a yoga adventure. I think it is about feeling my ribcage cracked open like an eggshell and my insides are gooey and raw. Its watching myself watching myself watch myself. Its about how it isn't about the asanas, but those are so much easier to talk about. Its about developing a vocabulary for your soul.
