Nose dive

One! two! three--pincha--four.

five! six--karan--floor!

Ah karandavasana.  The many lessons learned.  With this practice, when we realize that we "are", then we realize that we have to start from the beginning.  And then we wake up again and realize that we "are" and that we have to start from the beginning.  

I'm in karandavasana (or is it "on" or "doing" or "being" or "trying"?).  No, go back.

I've kicked up to pincha mayurasana.  I realize that I am here I am awake I am breathing that I could choose to give up and fall or choose to ride the wave of where I am.  I realize I am breathing.  I am having an out-of-body-experience inside my body.  But it isn't my head, it it somewhere higher--my thighs perhaps?  I fold one leg, I fold the other.  (It feels more like stitching to me.)  I squeeze them tighter.  I lean my chest forward and PLOP! I've landed for a split second on my upper arms before falling on my butt.  This was the third attempt.  The others were like cliff diving (minus the diving and more like a canon ball but less like a belly flop with arms flailing which is an improvement).  I try one more time and it is back to the diving but at least I had that moment of clarity where time stops and someone whispers the clue and my body starts to do what it must have been born to do.

Then Guy comes over.  I triumphantly cross on my own.  I begin to lower down confident in my new insight on how I will figure out this puzzle.  Guy's confidence must have matched my own because--did he notice that I landed on my nose?  Finished the rest of the pose without a hitch, but spent a few moments reminiscing of back when he taught me bhujapidasana and the exit vinyasa and all the nose dives it took for me to figure that one out.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lyU3Gs6zTUQ
 

You wake up and realize the mattress you are sleeping on is in the middle of a lake.  You paddle back to the shore.

Practice framing the moondays is always a mix of haphazard experiences.  I'm really light, I'm really heavy.  I'm really strong, I'm really weak.  I lose my balance, I'm spot on.  Happy for the day off.

Okay, so there have been quite a few requests for a part 2 in the "how the @#%! do you...?" series (jump back).  I'm thinking about it...

If you haven't joined the livingmysore magazine google group to receive notices of when we have a new mag out, be sure to do so here.  Also, we are collecting submissions for the July issue...  

Skinny and Sweet (There is an exception to every rule & NYC made me skinny)

There are a couple of new women practicing at the shala (doing second series).  One of them is practicing full second plus part of third.  I spied (post practice of course) her pincha and karandavasana and the woman totally had a Manju-as-a-child-pincha-photo banana back.  And she could bind her legs by herself and she could come down and almost come up (you could tell she can come up on days when she is up to it).  And her back was flat--almost even back bending--when she was resting on her arms.  *shrug*  Just goes to show that a)its not about the poses b)its about practice c)it takes patience d)every body is different.

Post-India Notes:

While getting dressed in the shala today I noticed that my big bra (the biggest size post-India) is too big.  India made me fat.  New York made me thin.  Ha ha.

Life/practice notes:

Had the WORST allergies today.  Could barely open my eyes this morning as they were so swollen.  Thought I had pink eye or something.  Yuck.  Felt so ill that I really thought I wouldn't make it to practice.  Low back is bothering too but I think its from adjusting people while I have bad posture.  In back bending I took it easy--just ankles.  (That is so ridiculous.  I am now really praying at the end of eka pada.  "Dear God, thank you for blessing me with legs, legs that work, legs that are able to do this crazy shit.  Thanks!)

Things I like/don't like:

Couldn't get through the first three pages of "Midnight's Children".  I must be a bad person.  Laughed my head off last night at "Nine-to-Five".  Absolutely infatuated with Amy Winehouse.

April Fool's and the One Kick Wonder

The day began like any other. I woke to an alarm, hit snooze, and then bolted into what I hoped would be a hot shower. The gods were in my favor. I walked through the rain onto the subway. I watched, fighting feelings of disgust (think yoga, peace E, peace) as I watched the myriad of construction workers of all shapes and only large sizes scratching their balls, sleeping with their mouths open, and taking up two seats on the subway. I get to my 6am class at 5:30. Hooray! I'm early! Alas, the door is locked. Looks like class is cancelled. Bummer for the students, bummer for me. I write a note and head downtown to the shala where I am the second person through the door (a rare and auspicious occurrence).

So I was thinking a lot about thinking and the importance of not thinking. Poses that are hard if you think too much: bakasana B, tittibhasana, pincha mayurasana. I can easily psych myself out. "Oh, I'll probably stick it on the 3rd or 4th try..." and other miscellaneous self deprecating thoughts flow freely. But I decided its like sports. You visualize the success. You KNOW you will do it. You become confident in your ability and then you ride the wave through your obstacle into success.

I've been giving myself these little confidence-boosting pep talks and it works! I'm getting bakasana B on first try. I'm kicking up to pincha for the second day in a row on the first kick. Not bad. Its good when your relationship with a pose gets to a point where it is a part of you. You don't fight against it because you've already initiated a compromise from past experience. Looking forward to that with pincha.

I think that on the way to no thinking is positive thinking...Oh, and I'm getting my hands to move in the exit vinyasa for pincha!

Battle Scars and tips for laghuvajrasana

It is my "me" day and no one is around. I've got my place to myself with no real pressing obligations. I decide to put on this organic clay, cruelty-free, green tea, etc., etc. face mask. As I smear the cold green goop across my cheeks and over my chin, I notice a dark mark. I gave it a little rub thinking that somehow I got tire grease from two days ago or subway funk from yesterday stuck under my chin and forgot to wash it off. And then I remembered the day prior and my spirited attempts at pincha mayurasana + jump back. On one of these joyous little hand-slide, tree-falling like landings, my chest was too low between my hands and my chin knocked the floor in time with the balls of my feet, and then I was in chatarunga. I didn't pay it much heed until that moment in the mirror.

I recall other tell-tale ashtanga practice battle scars. The time I was learning bhujapidasana + jump back and I fell smack on my face. The many times I landed on my chin. Bruises on the tops of my feet from triangmukha ekapada paschimottanasana. Waddling home every day after practice during that first month of deep assists in supta kurmasana. The bruises on the backs of my arms when I finally learned the bhujapidasana exit vinyasa. The throbbing pain in my low back after I started second series that sent panic over my whole body whenever I missed a step. The bruises I had on my wrists after my first attempt at supta vajrasana.

And then there are the new ones. The cat-scratch like marks on my shoulders which I think are blood blisters that come and go depending on the day from supta vajrasana. The return of the bruises on the backs of my arms from bakasana and bakasana transitions. The sore neck and upper back muscles from leg-behind-the-head poses. The burning thighs that sear with every pressing of my foot on the bike pedal and every stair I see from tittibhasana. And now, the rug burns on my elbows from pincha mayurasana and the bruise on my chin from the exit vinyasa.

But I feel great! Looking forward to practice tomorrow where I get another chance to conquer my fear of falling over in pincha mayurasana and finally get up and hold in one kick.

Today in practice I noticed someone new at lagu (and like most of us) struggling to figure it out. I am by no means an expert and am not the person with the greatest lagu ever. But, I have struggled with the pose and every time I go for it, there is a chance that I won't make it out! So here are some things that have helped me, and maybe they will help you.

1. When you are in parva dhanurasana and dhanurasana, you kick strongly with your shins into your hands, away from your butt. Try to really get into this action and remember what it feels like. This is going to help you come up.

2. It is easier to come up with your hands closer to your knees. However, this is no longer the correct method. The hands should be around the ankles.

3. Once you have your ankles with your hands, hold on tight.

4. As you begin to lower down, try to keep your pelvis moving forward (away from the floor). But remember, this isn't a back bend like kapotasana. You are reaching your pelvis forward to keep control of your center of gravity.

5. Also, as you lower down, keep kicking your feet and shins into the floor as in dhanurasana. This will keep your legs active and your pelvis and center of gravity moving toward your knees and away from the floor.

6. Be sure to keep your grip tight with your hands.

7. It helps some people to have the wrists resting over the heels. When you are ready to come up, simultaneously kick your feet and shins down, shift your pelvis forward, and flick your wrists (you can push off from your heels with your wrists) pressing the hands firmly down into your legs and coming up.

Okay, that is one way. The other way is:

sapta: inhale jump to shins with hands on waist

astau: exhale laghuvajrasana for five breaths

nava: inhale come up with hands on waist

Finding ease in difficulty

I was one part relieved to practice primary today (hoping for a relaxing/comforting practice) and two parts so tired I wanted to just go to sleep. It has been a long, emotionally and physically taxing week and I'm spent. After teaching early this morning, I tried not to think and just let my feet drag me down to the shala. I had no proper practice clothes (not so fun with all the jumping and no sports bra), was tired, sore, etc. I let all that leave my mind and replaced it with thoughts of my breath, my gaze, and sticking to the vinyasa. I was particularly amazed at how much less flexible my hamstrings were compared to last week's full vinyasa. And no, I did not do full vinyasa today. Just half vinyasa, which is really regular vinyasa. Anyway...

Dragged myself home after practice looking forward to some peace and a couple of runny eggs, but alas the bf had already eaten the last two. No problem! I took a breath (very yogically[sp]) and had yogurt instead with some toast which turned out to be a bit moldy but no problem! Nothing is going to ruin my peace today. I caught Obama on the View. Yes, I do enjoy some ridiculous daytime television. So what?

As I type, I'm looking at the enormous pile of laundry and just cannot be bothered. It will have to wait. Today the priority is putting together April's Living Mysore Magazine which is really exciting...

Pincha is getting much better, but not in the sense that one might assume. Its about getting confident. It is knowing that when you kick, you'll get there. It is the same with any posture. Its practicing with mindfulness and integrity. Mid kick, this is what my teacher told me (even though I was really enthusiastic about getting my hands to shift as evidenced by my rug wrinkled at the top of my mat). He said that it wasn't so much the jump back, but coming up with confidence that he was looking for. Everyone has something different to work on, and I guess that's my challenge. It makes sense though. I think about how a few months from now I'll be back in Mysore and eventually maybe getting to pincha mayurasana and kicking up with confidence. You've got to otherwise you'll fall on top of someone!

Feeling light (everybody poops)

Spent some time kicking, floating, falling, and jumping back from pincha today. My practice is short, which is nice because I have lots of time to play! I've managed to land in chaturanga, however the hand shift is going to take some time. I was able to bend my knees on two attempts in pincha to get that "whip" effect. I'm still learning and have a long way to go.

Confession: I was super stressed out yesterday pre-practice about poop. Yes, poop. I often have a bit of a not going problem. I have myself on a very strict daily routine all catered around producing a deuce. I've pretty much given up on the pre-practice empty-out and on days when it does happen, I'm thrilled. My practice is lighter, my bandhas are stronger, and it just feels healthier. So anyway, I was pretty stressed out thinking there was no way I'd be able to do anything because I was bloated and etc. I had to not think about it and just practice.

It is interesting to me how growing up in magazines and such I've learned that a couple of times per week is normal. But now, I realize there is a difference between something being "normal" and something being "common". With the quality of food and diets here in the US, it is no wonder that every other TV ad is for a fiber supplemented product. I've been on an India-themed book reading spree, and they have all in some way made reference to the act of the daily deed. For instance, in Shantaram, the main character goes out to the river to do his doo with everyone else in the slum early in the morning. I have never been able to go on demand (obviously).

But I think that over time, yoga really gets us to pay attention to ourselves. Guruji says to "control" your anus. This implies not only your mulhabandha, but also your entire digestive system. Perhaps over time with yoga, we learn to be mindful about the crap we put into our bodies so that at the end of the day, we are able to get it out.

I love when I get really deep into practice. When I don't think about getting up to go and still end up walking through the door. It is during these times that I really am conscious about my body, thinking of my food as fuel, and forging a mind/body dialogue. I think part of it is being able to see every twenty four hours that my body is capable of much more than sitting, walking, seeing, talking, thinking, and tasting. After witnessing that, I can't help but want to do everything I can to support this amazing vessel. For all the time I've spent hating and trying to improve my body, feeling this way is such a gift. Thank you ashtanga! Thank you Guruji!

More about poop than you ever wanted to know: the Bristol Stool Scale

PS- pincha mayurasana has improved my drop backs!

PSS- David Williams says that yoga has a 24 hour expiration date.

No fearing!

I knew I had to do it by myself. You see, I am afraid of falling. Right before headstand or any other arm inversion, I think briefly about toppling forward into, well, into what I'm not sure. The unknown? I am afraid. Then I tell myself, very compassionately, to shut up and get on with it.

So I put my forearms down on the rug and I know that I need to figure it out myself. I kick and kick and fall and do some floating and then "pphhmp!" I got it. And then I land. I could detect some movement in my arms and I think I end up elbows up, but can't recall. But I'm determined. I must figure this out by myself, so I try again. More kicking, some floating, and then that's when I feel it. At a certain point I can remember seeing the golden thread of my rug and then my sense of "self" moves up my spine to this mass hovering in the sky. I hold forearm stand and then land in chaturanga all by myself! Hands might have moved back about an inch. At this point I'm having fun and go again. I remember that feeling. It felt like how that alien thing looks in the movie version of Naked Lunch. You know, the part where Bill finds Joan in Interpol and the typewriter turns into this pink throbbing skeleton pelvis butt thing? Well that's what I was looking for as I hop my legs up. Sure enough I felt it, held it, and again landed with small hand movements detected.

"Imagine how surprised you'll be when you come up next week in karandavasana," my teacher laughs. "I better not eat for a week!" I joke, remembering the extremist behaviors of led second series peeps in Mysore. "Only chapatis," he says as I drop back, still laughing.

Pincha Mayurasana

That's right. Okay now, seriously, I never thought I'd be here already! Especially not today.

This morning was one of those particular "I should not get out of bed" mornings. I trudged to practice arriving 17 minutes later than I anticipated forcing me to just not think and just practice. I was stiff and sore from practicing twice yesterday (more on that later) and so tired! But I only had a limited time before my teacher left the room for his break so I said to myself that I would really stick to the proper vinyasas and it all worked out. I just didn't have time to think. Magic vinyasas! And then there I was, thirty five minutes after I stepped onto my mat, in downward dog. "Pincha Mayurasana," I heard. There was no question he was talking to me. Everyone else had started finishing. "Really?" I said. "Can you do it?" he asked. I shrugged. I could do it (with a gentle human wall). I tried twice and tried the jump back twice. Then I took a tripod headstand to get the feel of the jump back.

I think the first time you try on the pose you just try on the pose to see what it feels like. Tomorrow I'll start noticing where I am. Maybe next week I'll actually be able to refine it a bit. But who knows?

On the jump back, I was instructed to shift my hands back to where my elbows were on the floor. I could do this either by peeling my elbows off the floor and then quickly shifting my hands back (as I fall like a cut tree). Or, I could swing my legs over my head to get momentum as they whip toward the floor allowing me to get some airtime to shift my hands. While I learned these, I couldn't really think about anything, but could only feel my teacher's hands holding my belly. Now if I can can only figure out how to use my own inner power to create that feeling...

Did I practice twice yesterday to get extra credit? Yeah right! I did my morning mysore practice, then attended a vinyasa class of a friend and potential employer so that I could get a gig. I took it pretty easy (or so I thought), but every once in a while I caught a glimpse of the rest of the class and saw that I was the only one taking the advanced variations. I haven't taken a vinyasa class in some time. I thought it was interesting and fun to make shapes and discover what my body was capable of and to enjoy the stretches and sensations of doing something new. But I also had this nagging worry about reminding myself to hold back for fear of getting injured. I just kept wondering what the point was for what we were doing and how certain the instructor was that I'd be safe doing whatever I was doing. Its a bit silly, but I think that probably I was just afraid. I didn't know what was coming next, and ashtanga really makes your body fit so that whenever you go to another type of yoga, its like you're this huge dog that doesn't know its strength. At the same time, I was surprised to see how much stronger I've become over the last few years when we were doing arm balancing, and we did eka pada sirsasana, which was interesting as we led up to it in a different way than in second series.

I know that pinch and jump back are not impossible because a few years back I dropped into a jivamukti yoga class which was full of cheap thrills including my first taste of pincha and jump back, jump into bakasana, and handstand jump back. I did it then, so I've got to be able to do it now. However, that does mean that I'll be at the dreaded karandavasana. Yipes!