The reflective post

Yesterday, I looked at my day planner (imagine), and realized that I have just 25 days left here in Mysore (including today). It is hard for me to imagine coming here for just a month. When I think back at my time here and where I am at now, I feel like it is just not enough time to soak up all of this. Even now I feel like it could all still just be beginning.

I made a list of all things I wanted to do and see before I left. Without this, it could be fairly easy for me to wake up tomorrow and realize its time to go to the airport. I'd like to float somewhere in between.

Despite the happy send-off of a particularly sound night's sleep, practice was completely ridiculous. I was all over the place. It was great. I kept thinking and telling myself not to think, fidgeting, farting (I'm so sorry Petra). It was such a mess. I wore a new pair of pants that kept slipping down my backside. I tried to put my hair in pigtails. It was okay in front of the mirror, but in class, it was a whole other game. (You're probably thinking "who could mess up pigtails?" but that is another story). My rug was sliding around and crumpling up. And it was taking forEVER. I kept thinking "how long is this going to take? Am I going slower than usual?" I was getting antsy. Then, i realized that I was waiting for something--back bends.

No breakthroughs, funny stories, or insights.

"Right side good. You do left side wrong." Saraswati really felt it today and so did I. She let me go for it a second time, but it was the same story. Hovering in the half back bend, my right hand catches really high TECK (that's the sound of grabbing). Then my left hand pathetically writhes in the air. Saraswati grabs it and pulls. I move both hands down to my ankles and readjust my feet so they are parallel. Then she moves my right hand into that notch behind my knee. The left hand next-- "UNNNGGHHHH". Breathe breathe breathe breathe don't panic, relax breathe and inhale stand hello Saraswati smile smile sit fold and squish "aaaaahhhhh"...

Then off to the dressing room to get eaten by mosquitoes and do finishing postures.

You might remember my first class in July. My struggle with headstand and uthplutih? (Picture on right of students in uthplutih at Guruji's 2002 San Francisco tour. You might not be able to tell, but they are balancing on their hands with their knees and seats are off the floor.) Well, I am amazed at the "progress". Headstand has actually become a calming place to look forward to. My arms are still burning, of course, but I can do it for much longer than before. And then there is uthplutih. always a challenge, but I am facing it. 22 breaths every day. Like my teacher once said, "I look up to my third eye, think about God, and the kundalini is like woooosh." She stays there for 40 very slow breaths. I think about a meat hook pulling up my pelvis. I think about breathing from my pelvic floor. I think about how there is no reason to come down and that the sensations I feel aren't really negative. I look up to my third eye and to the ceiling and imagine shooting up, up. Today was really hard, but when I came down, my head was swarming with heat and I was felt amazing.

I picked up this book at Tina's today called It's a long way to the floor by David Byck. I don't remember where I heard about it, but recently it was recommended to me. I thought with all this attention I'm paying to the experience of being here, it would be a really interesting to see what he experienced and maybe compare notes.

Other updates:

I've got 25 items on my "to do before I die list". This has been incredibly therapeutic. With it, I feel encouraged to be honest with myself about what I really want in life and the things that I am afraid to try for. I feel now that my path is very clear, and that in many ways, I've always been on it.

Last week, Petra and I pulled out the "Angel Cards", which are similar to tarot cards, but much more soft, sweet, and feminine. (Petra says I need to embrace my feminine side, so this is a step on that direction. So is talking about my feelings and practicing with Saraswati and with the influx of female students at the shala. Shakti power!)

I was very skeptical about the cards, but they were dead on and very comforting. I asked what my life purpose was. The cards told me that it was time to heal worry and fear, to relax and feel safe. They said I was currently learning how to be peaceful and have tranquility in life. Right now is the time to gather information and concentrate on being a student, and that by staying on this path, my life's purpose will be revealed. Wow.

It is not really the same as having someone read your cards in front of you, but, you can get your cards read online for free by clicking here.

Tomorrow there is no practice because there is a festival, I don't remember who it is for. We also have Saturday off, and its back to led on Sunday. I'm off to pay Shala fees today, and there is talk of some craziness tonight, but it could be a good night for more L Word and Grey's Anatomy. Yes, I have succumbed.

My first class at AYRI

I woke up this morning at 4am again. I tossed and turned. This time I think more from being anxious and excited than from jet lag. The first class of the morning was at 5am and it was like part of me new that people were up practicing. Saturdays there is no practice. It was a moonday on Saturday, but here they applied it on Sunday. As Sunday is usually the led class day and we had this Sunday off, today (Monday) was led day.

Definitions of mysore and led style ashtanga yoga click here.

The first led class as I said was at 5 am. I think that up until today they actually do a led second series in that session, but apparently there just weren't enough 2nd series people and A LOT of first series people, so they did 2 1st series classes.

Anyway, I took another bucket shower and I tried to take a picture of the setup but the digital camera isn't adjusting well to life in India unfortunately. I took my time getting ready and walked a slowly as I could to practice. I got there at like 6:45 and went inside to the waiting area. There were already many students crowded all over the floor looking through the double doors (which were open) at the early class practicing. Note: there is a sign that says no pictures or videos allowed, so I'll respect that and not take any. sorry everyone!

After class, students rushed to get spots for their mats for the next class at 6:15. The first class actually ended at 6:30, so we started at like 6:40. It was really great. The biggest tip i have is DO NOT GO FAST! We always tell students this and remind ourselves but people always go to fast because it is hard to go slow and keep an even pace. The difference is when Sharath is standing on our mat and your staring at his toes in chatarunga, you better not go to upward dog!

On the left is chaturanga dandasana.

On the right is upward facing dog.

You can tell which is easier to hold.

I felt really light today, which was nice. Everything was going fine until headstand. Oh headstand. Sharath counts very slow in headstand. If I have one piece of advice to someone going to mysore its work on holding headstand for a LONG time. I barely just barely made it to nine breaths. I was shaking and trying so so hard. I had to come down. He shouted "come back up!" to me. So I came back up as he made it to 15. Then down I went. "Come back up!" he said again. So I came into a headstand prep position instead of the 2nd variation. "Come back up!"

He said again and if it wasn't already clear that he was speaking to me, he put me in the position and didn't let me come down. My little arms were shaking and trying so hard! Its funny because during the class, people slowly are asked to stop along the way, so not everyone does the full primary series, they are asked to sit and watch and wait until back bends to re-join the class. But honestly there were many many people who barely made it half way through primary, and I was one of like 5 people (There had to be like 100 hundred people in that room) who couldn't keep up the headstand. And out of those 5 people who needed help, Sharath came over to torture/help me. The next pose that I was dying in was the very last pose, uthplutih. I had heard that it was torture and I remember it was bad when I practiced with guruji in NY, but its a lot like childbirth. You forget how much it hurts! I honestly have never felt my stomach work in headstand uthplutih like I did today! Notice that this guy is completely lifted off the floor. While Sharath very very very slowly counts to 10. The whole time he walks around saying "lift up, lift up! Don't be lazy!" He took us straight to lie down after this instead of closing mantra and we laid there for maybe 3 minutes before he said "ok, you can go home now."

After class I waited in line by his office to give him the rest of the money I forgot to pay him the day before. "___, come in", he said. I left stunned (he knew my name!) They (Sharath and Guruji) are notorious for not remembering people's names.